


Revelations around a Fire

by AlwaysLera



Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Alanna is always angry, Drinking, Gary is an academic and sometimes his brain doesn't turn off, Gary is puzzled, Gender Issues, Genderqueer, Genderqueer Character, George knows everything, Multi, Pansexual, Pansexual Character, Raoul is pansexual, Raoul is queer, it irritates Alanna when George knows things before her, pansexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 17:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8335825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysLera/pseuds/AlwaysLera
Summary: The old gang gets together soon after Alanna's tour ends and she and George finish fixing Pirate's Swoop. She's as surly as ever, George as cocky and genial, Jonathan as angsty, Thayet as gentle, Gary as nerdy, and Raoul. Well. He's figuring his shit out and he finally shares some of it with his friends.





	

It was colder than he expected at Pirate’s Swoop. He was surprised that Alanna tolerated it here in the winters if the autumns were this brisk, but since they’d moved outside, she’d gotten grumpier, so perhaps she hadn’t wintered here yet. She’d stay, though, he knew that. George was here, and though Alanna’s scowl could make a cat slink off, she was tucked in by George’s side, his arm around her shoulder. The fire flickered, making Alanna’s purple eyes seem otherworldly, a little like this little castle up here. It was distinctly Tortallian in the architecture, but there was something about it, the way it sat over the water, the way George blended in with his own people and then miraculously appeared to make decisions as its baron that felt apart from Tortall.

            It was, Raoul reasoned, probably why Jon had gifted it to George. Gary had been apoplectic over the news but it wasn’t like there was anything to do. Jon admired George and maybe George had been the big brother to Jon that Roger should have been. And then there was the fact that George had married Alanna. Raoul still hadn’t grown accustomed to Thayet, regal and beautiful in a way that not even Jon was, even as she sat next to him on a bloody _log_ in the courtyard of a half-repaired castle. She looked out of place, but not uncomfortable. Raoul needed to learn how to master that technique for court appearances. Blasted Jon had him coming back _once a goddamn year._ What was even the point of being in the King’s Army _if he had to go back every fucking year_?

            But it’d been _nonnegotiable_ and honestly, Buri had had a point when she said it was time together they wouldn’t have to spend in a tent. There could be real beds. Not that they ever made it there but it was the thought that counted.

            “You are quiet,” Gary said from Raoul’s left. “You’re just staring at everyone.”

            “I’m not used to making hours of conversation anymore,” Raoul admitted. “I like watching.”

            In the dark, Raoul felt himself flush but Gary didn’t seem to notice the innuendo and Alanna on the other side of the fire was now engaged in some sort of heated debate with Jon so she’d missed it too.

            “All well?” asked Gary, keeping his voice low. “Buri?”

            Raoul felt, rather than saw, Thayet’s attention swivel toward them at the mention of Buri’s name. There was no lie in his voice when he said, “Well. All’s well. She’s as fiery as always.” But he didn’t say that she disliked being away from Thayet, since it was Thayet who’d sent Buri out to learn border control from the desert tribes. Buri had spent the first two days of their ride absolutely convinced that Thayet was punishing her for some wrong, while Raoul had patiently kept asking if that was Thayet’s way.

            “Well, no,” Buri had snapped. “But that isn’t the _point._ ”

            Women.

            People, even.

            But Raoul liked Buri a great deal more than he liked most people and Raoul liked these people, this King and this Queen, this Queen’s Champion and this Rogue, this Prime Minister Professor. These were his people, the ones who’d made sense to him in ways other people hadn’t. He could understand people enough for his job, but individually, from a distance, or a handful at a time in a tent as they devised strategy. A court full of people didn’t just boggle his mind. It overwhelmed his senses, battering at him from all sides with expressions and shifts of weight and things he couldn’t interpret all together.

            He liked it better, here at Pirate’s Swoop, quiet around a fire. He had a reputation for a booming voice and a big presence, but he’d worked for those and they took effort to maintain. This, this took no effort.

            “I am not,” objected Jon, straightening so his hand which had been resting on Thayet’s knee for the past half hour, fell away. He turned toward Alanna. “I don’t even understand how you can say that!”

            “Say what?” asked Raoul.

            “He’s the most stereotypical man of the group,” said Alanna, glaring at Jon.

            “Gary, tell her that isn’t true,” Jon said. “There’s George, who, may I remind you, was literally the king of thieves and has killed more men than I’ll ever get to kill, and same for Raoul.”

            “You arguing with me is only making my point,” said Alanna, sitting back. “You prefer to have a singular focus. You like people to be straightforward and simple—“

            “Says the person trying to label me right now!” Jon threw up his hands.

            George grinned and leaned back on his hands.

            “If you were lost on a road, you wouldn’t ask for directions,” Alanna announced. “You hate asking for help.”

            “Only from you because you give me such hell for it.”

            Thayet said over their heads, “Should we be worried?”

            “Naw,” said George and Raoul together.

            “Gary,” began Jon.

            “No,” said Gary firmly, refilling his wine glass. “Leave me out of it.”

            “You expect everyone to bow to the whim of your appeal and are surprised when you’re refused,” Alanna added.

            “Goddess,” muttered Raoul. “How long you been keeping this list in your head, Alanna?”

            “Years,” said Alanna. “I have one for most people. But not you.”

            Raoul glanced up at her. “Not me?”

            “How come he gets off the hook?” Jon cried.

            “I can’t put you in a box,” Alanna said, sounding genuinely frustrated when she turned toward Raoul. She frowned at him over the fire. “Every time I feel like I understand how you tick, I find another side of you.”

            Raoul’s gut clenched. That felt like she was describing Alex, a betrayal Raoul still felt keenly. His expression must have shown on his face because George said over Alanna’s shoulder, “Darlin’, he thinks you mean he’s keeping secrets.”

            “No,” Alanna said. “Not like that. But…I thought I was the last to figure myself out of our little group of friends. But I’m not, am I?”

            The stillness around the fire grew heavier, bearing down on Raoul’s shoulders. His friends’ gazes on him pushed his away from Alanna’s sharp eyes to the fire. “No. Some of us don’t fit in boxes, you know. Not the way you think.” He had to do this now. He had told Buri that he’d tackle this topic with them and he hadn’t figured out a way to work it into the conversation over the last day. It was better to get it out now. “Jon fits into a box as a man. He fits stereotypes and ideas of a man, but he also _knows_ he’s a man. Same way that Gary _knows_ he’s a man, even though he fits different stereotypes and ideas about what it means to be a man in our society.”

            Raoul took a breath. “I don’t, because I don’t always _feel_ like a man. I am...somewhere in between. I thought, for awhile, Alanna, that maybe you and I had more in common than we’d originally thought. When you were Alan, and then struggled with how you could be Alan and Alanna, that felt like the same type of space I want to occupy. That’s a space I want to fill up. But,” he slapped his thigh. “Try being my height and sound like me, and say that you don’t want to be called _a man_ and not have a word for something in the middle.”

            “There are others,” George said, before the silence that came after Raoul’s speech could swallow him whole and spit out his bones for Buri to find on her way home. Raoul jerked his head up to look at George who had leaned forward, elbows to his knees. “In the cities, down a bit in class because the higher you go in this society, the more rigid the boxes.”

            Alanna’s throat bobbed as she swallowed. Raoul wished he hadn’t said anything at all but George’s words snagged in his mind like a fishing hook. _Others._ “What—where?” he began to ask.

            “When I’m next in Corus, I’ll introduce you to a few. They call themselves genderqueer,” George said calmly. “And sometimes they dress to the opposite gender they were assigned as infants, and sometimes, they dress in the middle, and they’ve found a community where it’s their own.”

            Raoul sat up, studying George’s expression. “You knew.”

            “I suspected,” the Rogue admitted.

            “How?” demanded Alanna, turning to her husband.

            “You didn’t tell me,” said Jon, hurt filling his voice. “We’re best friends. Have I said or done anything that was wrong?”

            “Gods, Jon,” laughed Raoul. “ _I’m_ still wrapping my head around it. I can’t just waltz into the Throne Room and say, “I’m not sure I’m a man, Your Majesty.””

            Jon scowled. Alanna turned back to Raoul, thoughtful and said, “Now there’s a word for it. Genderqueer. Is there a name you’d rather us call you?”

            “Raoul works just fine,” he said gruffly. He shouldn’t have said anything. The attention was all on him now and it itched under his skin. He wanted to get up, stomp away, visit the horses, sharpen a sword. Do something to get up and away from this feeling of being exposed. Vulnerable.

            “I don’t understand,” Gary said finally. “I want to. I just don’t.”

            “You are taught in Tortall,” said Thayet gently, “that gender is two sides of a coin. Male, or female. Gender’s more of a sphere. There are many places on the face of the sphere where you can land. There are poles, where many people are clustered, but there are many who aren’t at the poles.”

            “Oh,” said Gary, sounding pleased. “I understand that. Thank you.”

            Raoul blinked. “I like that explanation. I may use that in the future. Did Buri tell you?”

            “Buri knew?” yelped Jon.

            Thayet hesitated and said, “She wouldn’t betray your confidence but she asked me about a friend, and I surmised it was you.”

            Alanna turned to George. “I hate when you know things before I do.”

            George quirked an eyebrow at her. “Do you hate when Buri and Thayet know things before you do?”

            “No, because I like them,” said Alanna.

            Raoul felt mildly nauseous. They were all being…as supportive as he suspected, but for this secret to be out in the world hadn’t been as freeing as he’d hoped it would be. Instead, it felt dangerous, like being on a ship, on the water, in a storm.

            “Raoul,” said Jon.

            Raoul’s eyes snapped up to him. Jon said, “If anyone ever gives you trouble for this, send them to me.”

            Raoul knew the banter for what it was. Seeking solid ground. But he still felt like he was on sea legs. “You understand, Jon, that when people who are in trouble are sent to you, you send me to them. I might as well continue to handle my own troubles.”

            “And see, we’ve come full circle,” proclaimed Alanna. “Jon, being the most obnoxiously manly of the men here.”

            Thayet glanced at Raoul and then winked at him, throwing him off guard. But he didn’t have to wait long to see what she meant by it. She held out her hands over the fire, her shawl sliding free of her shoulders a little bit and Jon stopped arguing with Alanna long enough to bring it up around her shoulders again, surprisingly attentive and doting.

            “I suppose now it is a good of a time as any,” Thayet said casually. Jon frowned. Thayet looked up and around at them, smiling. “I’m with child.”

            By Jon’s panicked yelp and the way he sloshed wine all over himself, this was apparently his first time hearing of the news. Alanna cried out and leaned over, topping over a still shocked Jon to hug Thayet tightly. Raoul turned to Gary. “Did you know?”

“Not at all,” said Gary. Then he lowered his voice. “Nice diversion tactic. She’s a good one, this Queen of ours.”

And she was _theirs_ , Raoul realized. She kept Jon humble, kept Alanna honest, had protected Raoul from the onslaught of attention, was reasonable and rational the way Gary liked people, and she was _theirs._ Not just their Queen, but one of them now.

Then Alanna spun to her husband. “Pay up.”

            George was laughing as he drew a silver from his pocket and placed it in Alanna’s palm. “Damn, lass.”

            “You _bet_ on it?” asked Thayet and then held up a hand. “Never mind. I answered my own question. Of course you did. Now, Jon, breathe.”

            Jon coughed, sputtering up wine. And Raoul stood up, walking around the fire to pound his back and congratulate him. When he went to return to his seat, he said quietly to Thayet, “Thank you.”

            She just smiled.

            “A toast!” George lifted his glass. “To Their Majesties, and to the littlest Highness to be.”

            “To the littlest Highness,” they chorused, and their glasses clinked together in the night.


End file.
